Lots of you might have seen this online recently: The Random Superhero Generator. This is my result:
Patrick Samphire developed the talent to create fire out of thin air. He likewise has mastered the ability to communicate with snakes from a distance, however he must speak words of power to do so. Patrick Samphire possesses the power to tunnel through solid titanium and he is able to run into computers. Also, he has the power to view distant locations with his mind. Sadly, Patrick Samphire becomes woefully unskilled at ventriloquism in the presence of plastic.
That stuff about ventriloquism is actually true…