I am an idiot.

I know this because, once again, I have started trying to write a high / epic fantasy (I really don’t know the difference between those two subgenres) having forgotten exactly why I don’t normally write this kind of stuff, despite loving to read it.

The reason is simple: names.

I literally (literally literally) cannot figure out how to come up with good names for characters in a secondary world fantasy. Other writers seem to do it with no trouble. George Martin has literally (not literally) a million characters, but he mostly uses ordinary names, occasionally changing the spelling a little.

Those with a linguistic bent figure out how languages are put together and create names sensibly (although most don’t go full Tolkien and create entire languages first, the nerd).

Others just throw a bunch of syllables together and come up with what look like unlikely anagrams, but let’s face it, those tend to be pretty crappy.

Then there’s me. Who just stares at the page and can’t come up with *anything* that sounds even vaguely non-stupid.

Now I remember why I don’t write high fantasy…

* Gonna write it anyway. Just bitter about having to come up with names

** Despite the picture accompanying this blog post, there will be no elves in my book. Elves are arseholes.